For Those Who Get It?

Johnny Bench called... ... He's says it's Stir-Friday! LMFAO!!!!

Cheers,

Ain't Marriage Grand?

My wife is awesome! She got me this T-Shirt for Valentines Day!

Thanks babe, you're the best!

P.S. To those of you who are lucky, Valentines Day is a beautiful, symbolic celebration of LOVE. To the rest of us, it's a loose whore's ass that shits all over your face while you're still looking...

Happy Valentines Day!

Cheers,

Once Upon a Taco...

CHAPTER 1
It's all fun and games till...

It's 1999 when Uncle Dan, my sister and my 6' 310lb best friend decide to go to Taco Bell for our late night drunken feast.

My sister (who's driving is very questionable), always drove us since she always seemed to be our "designated" driver out of peer pressure (and she was the only one who was never drunk). Don't worry, she had her WA State learners permit...

When we get to the local TB restaurant, we decide to go up to the drive-through to make our order for 20 bean burritos when my friend (we'll call him Mongo, Yea... Mongo) decides he's got to mess with the poor gal in the speaker box by ordering an upside down ice cream cone? After that, he decides he's going pee next to the drive-through order sign in front of a couple in a SUV trying to order a pizza (apparently, they weren't drunk either). They may have been a little alarmed, BUT where does a giant football player take a piss? Answer: Anywhere he wants. (Yea, that just happened and I really did say that - so what?)

So Mongo gets in the truck and we have to pull around the front because even 20 TB bean burritos at 11:30pm is a tad too many? We get our burritos, Mongo gets 13 packets of Ketchup (don't ask) and we head home to watch the movie Mongo was responsible for bringing over. Tuns out, it was a comedy... I mean, a porn flick starring Bridget the Midget. I think it was called "Spinner" or "Midget Spotting" or something rather...

CHAPTER 2
99¢ Dysentery & The Porcelain Inferno

Later that night, my insides are on fire! Mongo and Uncle Dan are hurting too. It could have been the movie, but I'm thinking it was the 6 bean burritos or the taco I had with hot sauce earlier. Later, the hot sauce itself will prove to be a mild laxative compared to the reverse enema that will later reveal itself as a pale Michael Jackson's fist, holding some smashed and barely digested beans??

Anyways, we were all pretty colon-blowed that night and it was the longest night of my life next to the night me and Mongo went bar hopping, but that's another story. So what's the Shameless moral to this story? Do yourself and your internals a favor and just skip eating TB burritos and place them directly into the toilet. Just trust me...

Cheers,