MOVIE QUOTES:

TODD CHESTER: "Well obviously SOMETHING had to break the window, SOMETHING had to break the stereo!"

MARGO CHESTER: "Well then, WHY is the carpet all wet TODD!?"

TODD CHESTER: "I don't know MARGO!"

EDDIE JOHNSON: "Merry Christmas, Shitter was full!"

EDDIE JOHNSON: "If only me and Kathrine had back the money we sent that TV preacher that was scewin' the hockey player..."

TODD CHESTER: "Hey Griswald, where do you think you're going to put a tree that big?"

CLARK GRISWALD: "Bend over and I'll show you."

TODD CHESTER: "You've gotta a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswald!"

CLARK GRISWALD: "I wasn't talking to you."

FYI: These are from my memory (22 years ago), so do not email me and say "those aren't the actual lines" because I don't give a shit if they are or not. It's funny to me, and that's what matters...

HASSELBECK HAS BEST GAME OF 2010 SEASON

Matt Hasselbeck actually played very well by NOT living up to his two interceptions a game average before getting hurt today due to a "previous" hip injury during the first quarter {insert surprised face here}.

{sigh} Goodbye Matt, apparently, you will be missed...

ANOTHER FAN BITES THE DUST

I AM DONE WITH THE SEAHAWKS (OK, maybe not done). Matt Hassellback, you're a nice guy, but you suck ass. Like, if ASS were a buffet, you would have an "all-you-can-eat" pass. You average two interceptions a game! I don't care if you throw for 300 yards, GOOD QUARTERBACKS DONT THROW THAT MANY INTERCEPTIONS! Please try harder or GO AWAY!

On the bright side, Mrs. Babineaux (mother of Joel and Jordan) had a great time watching her sons teams play against one another...

HOW TO MAKE AN ARM SANDWICH

It's simple really:

1. Be dumb

2. Be SLOW

3. Insert arm directly into a gators mouth

Dang it, I betcha the "wrangler" had a good punch-line after that move too...

HOW THE WEST WA WAS WON

Skeletor Stikes Again!

Gov. Chris Gregoire is at it again. The Governor of WA state is about to sign the I-1077 petition and claims she may not be a full supporter of the initiative that would tax the wealthier population - yet... [What?]

Let's face it, we know she will fully support this plan - it's only money and a matter of time. It's for the kids right? It would provide the extra funding needed for education while finding it's way into the pockets of what is left of the "middle' class. But what if it doesn't go through? Well, then now we have to deal with the teachers going on strike [again] like every year because that's who's going to try and fight to get the money [for the kids].

This comes after Gregoire's recent victory over signing revenue bills into law. The new levies include an extra tax on cigarettes, candy bars, soda pop and bottled water [too bad it didn't include hairspray, how else does she hold up her cobweb of hair]. “I couldn’t look myself in the mirror and take the kind of Draconian cuts that would have been called for without revenue,” Gregoire said. [Sorry Gregoire, but I think we all know you'd have a pretty tough time looking at yourself in the mirror anyhow.] Seriously Governhater, do you not see yourself going against the will of the majority? How many times must we remind you?? Oh, let me count the ways (daggers in my back).

Not to worry good citizens, with Tim Eyman [AKA Heman, Master of the Universe] following her evil, shadowy spells, we can all sleep a little bit better tonight.

So with that being said, I have slightly altered this week's grocery list.

Cheers,

YELP NEEDS HELP?

With all the hoopla extortion accusations going down over the privately owned Yelp.com review site, the company is considering a new logo and slogan aimed at the very consumers and small business owners whom helped contribute to its success.

See for yourself...

Cheers,

For Those Who Get It?

Johnny Bench called... ... He's says it's Stir-Friday! LMFAO!!!!

Cheers,

Ain't Marriage Grand?

My wife is awesome! She got me this T-Shirt for Valentines Day!

Thanks babe, you're the best!

P.S. To those of you who are lucky, Valentines Day is a beautiful, symbolic celebration of LOVE. To the rest of us, it's a loose whore's ass that shits all over your face while you're still looking...

Happy Valentines Day!

Cheers,

Once Upon a Taco...

CHAPTER 1
It's all fun and games till...

It's 1999 when Uncle Dan, my sister and my 6' 310lb best friend decide to go to Taco Bell for our late night drunken feast.

My sister (who's driving is very questionable), always drove us since she always seemed to be our "designated" driver out of peer pressure (and she was the only one who was never drunk). Don't worry, she had her WA State learners permit...

When we get to the local TB restaurant, we decide to go up to the drive-through to make our order for 20 bean burritos when my friend (we'll call him Mongo, Yea... Mongo) decides he's got to mess with the poor gal in the speaker box by ordering an upside down ice cream cone? After that, he decides he's going pee next to the drive-through order sign in front of a couple in a SUV trying to order a pizza (apparently, they weren't drunk either). They may have been a little alarmed, BUT where does a giant football player take a piss? Answer: Anywhere he wants. (Yea, that just happened and I really did say that - so what?)

So Mongo gets in the truck and we have to pull around the front because even 20 TB bean burritos at 11:30pm is a tad too many? We get our burritos, Mongo gets 13 packets of Ketchup (don't ask) and we head home to watch the movie Mongo was responsible for bringing over. Tuns out, it was a comedy... I mean, a porn flick starring Bridget the Midget. I think it was called "Spinner" or "Midget Spotting" or something rather...

CHAPTER 2
99¢ Dysentery & The Porcelain Inferno

Later that night, my insides are on fire! Mongo and Uncle Dan are hurting too. It could have been the movie, but I'm thinking it was the 6 bean burritos or the taco I had with hot sauce earlier. Later, the hot sauce itself will prove to be a mild laxative compared to the reverse enema that will later reveal itself as a pale Michael Jackson's fist, holding some smashed and barely digested beans??

Anyways, we were all pretty colon-blowed that night and it was the longest night of my life next to the night me and Mongo went bar hopping, but that's another story. So what's the Shameless moral to this story? Do yourself and your internals a favor and just skip eating TB burritos and place them directly into the toilet. Just trust me...

Cheers,

A Wee Bit of Irish Humor